It’s abundantly evident that narcissists run rampant in our society. They commonly believe in their essentialness; they’re often incredibly arrogant and impervious to shame. With a great desire to be admired, lacking empathy and a pathological inability to accept blame, they can easily be major obstacles to getting an agreement.
Narcissists infect all aspects of society. They are often easily spotted among politicians and business leaders. By observing their actions or by their statements, their perspectives quickly become apparent. Simply put…everything revolves around them. They’re the people who are the only ones to make great things happen.
Narcissists make every effort to project a persona of supreme self-confidence. They will often describe themselves as hyper-intelligent, attractive and amazingly capable. Because they are so competent, most believe they are uniquely deserving of preferential treatment.
Commonly, narcissists push back against just about every perceived slight, no matter how insignificant. They attack anything that might call into question their lofty perceptions of themselves. Frequently, an enemy is making the narcissist a victim and justifying their vindictiveness and possibly ruthlessness. They tend to be adept at manipulating emotions such as guilt, fear and anxiety. All the while, narcissists can appear amazingly charming and charismatic.
For narcissists, people are like pieces on a chessboard. They move them around to serve their purposes, and anyone but the King (the narcissist) can be readily sacrificed.
Negotiating With Narcissists
Professionally, you’re very likely to have to bargain with narcissists at some time or another, and that’s not always easy. Negotiating with narcissists is often fraught with problems and complications. Narcissists are prone to not bargain of good faith, logic is meaningless, and their propensity to lie is a negotiating strategy.
To effectively negotiate with narcissists, you must clearly understand their thinking and perspectives. Critically important, you must realize that they are never going to change. They are never going to see things differently.
So how do you proceed? According to Frank Carone, chairman of Oaktree Solutions and co-author of Everyone Wins! How You Can Enhance and Optimize Business Relationships Just Like Ultra-Wealthy Entrepreneurs, “While you can never disregard your goals and objectives, you have to help them achieve their objectives. One of their most important objectives is to be perceived as powerful, smart and so forth. Because narcissists are usually, deep down, very insecure and frightened people, you have to be supportive and make them feel important and powerful.”
The more you convey to narcissists that you understand their “greatness,” the more willing you will likely find them to work with you to get a deal done. You still have to be attentive to the specifics of the agreement. However, it’s often just as essential to pay a lot of attention to narcissists throughout the process. Not doing so commonly results in them not paying attention to the terms of the deal.
It’s certainly possible to effectively negotiate with almost anyone, including narcissists. The best negotiators consider the people’s self-image on the other side of the table and act accordingly. When negotiating with narcissists, the paramount need is often that you recognize their view of themselves and reinforce it repeatedly. If you ever negotiate with narcissists, give them the attention they crave if you want to be successful.
Russ Alan Prince is the executive director of Private Wealth magazine and chief content officer for High-Net-Worth Genius. He consults with family offices, the wealthy, fast-tracking entrepreneurs and select professionals.
